This has not been an easy holiday for us. It's the 1 year anniversary from our first IVF cycle (BFN) and 3 fresh cycles and 4 transfers later we are struggling with the same feelings and questions. The adorable Christmas cards, the excited squeals of children big and small. It's seems Christmas time is over flowing with constant reminders of the giant hole in my heart. Which always leads me back to the question "Will that ever be us?"
We are so blessed to be celebrating our second Christmas with my (younger) brother in law and his sweet girlfriend. She and her son have been a wonderful addition to our family. They've taken their relationship slow integrating her son into our family. This is the first major holiday we've gotten to spend with him and it's amazing how much joy and laughter he has brought. And while I adore him it's been so hard to see the longing in my husbands eyes as he plays on the floor with him and his trains. It's been difficult to watch my beloved mother in law bloom in the roll of grandma. Knowing I haven't, and maybe never will, be able to give her that gift.
And while my heart is feeling battered and bruised I know I have much to be thankful for. Toping the list is my amazing husband, family and friends. So today o will be thankful for what I do have and know in my heart that the best is yet to come.
Merry Christmas Friends!