Thursday, July 31, 2014

Filled with Hope

Thanks for all of the emails checking on me.  I realize I've been kind of quiet lately and there's basically two reasons for that.  The first is that there's not much going on in my cycle right now.  I started Lupron for suppression on July 23rd.  I went in yesterday for my baseline tests and everything came back fine.  Today I switched from the Lupron to Ganirelix and I'll start adding in IM shots of E2V tomorrow.  Monday (providing I start my period)  I'll start stims and then things should really start moving forward.  Overall I'm feeling pretty good.  I have been feeling positive and hopeful about this cycle.  I felt like yesterday the drugs were starting to catch up with me as I've been really emotional and weepy.  But that's just part of it.  I'm feeling better today but as I was looking ahead on my work calendar trying to make sure my days of potential retrieval and transfer were clear, I had a small panic attack about not having anything to transfer.  As you guys know we are doing CCS genetic testing on our embryos this round.  If none of our embryos come back genetically normal then we won't have anything to transfer.  However the tests will provide a lot of insight that I think we need to determine how we move forward in this battle with infertility.  So while that thought scares me, I'm trying to focus on the fact that we'll know more after this cycle than we did before.  So right now in the moment I'm just trying to take care of my body.  I'm exercising, eating healthy and trying to stay as positive as I can.  There's a part of me that just feels like this HAS to be it (mostly because the thought of where we go if this doesn't work completely overwhelms me).  I'm excited about the potential of this working and hopefully knowing that we are transferring a normal embryo who has a really good chance of turning into our take home baby.  While IVF cycles are scary, stressful, and overwhelming it also is a time of hope and excitement.  So that's where my focus is.  

The second reason I haven't had much to say is because there's been some major (exciting!) stuff going on in our little blog community with others.  Sweet Jessah is in her 2ww coming off of an amazing cycle.  I have so much hope that this is IT for her!  Her journey has been a long one and her persistence, positive attitude, and hope are such an inspiration for me.  I hope she can feel the love that we are all sending her way and I'm praying with everything I've got for some fabulous news come beta time!  Suzanne has started a new path on her journey and I've been filled with excitement for her and her husband as I read about each step forward they take.  These steps require some big decisions which I know are not easy.  It hurts my heart that she's faced with difficult decisions but she is handling it with grace and faith and I know that her choices are going to lead her down the right path.  We've also had a lot of reasons to celebrate and renew our faith and hope that this process DOES work!  Mrs. LostAllison, and Aubrey have all recently welcomed babies home.  These are three of the first blogs I found when I ventured into the online IF community.  I remember pouring over their posts and getting up to speed on their struggles and feeling such a connection.  These women are my hope for what the future could bring for me and D.

There's so many more of you out there who I follow.  This community is a place I can turn to when I'm feeling like no one understands what I'm going through.  In my darkest hours you all are a light that reminds me I'm not alone and there is hope.


  1. So glad you are moving forward and really hope this cycle is a success for you!

  2. It's weird... IVF used to scare the dickens out of me, but now I think of it longingly. It's at least SOMETHING, so I really understand the hope and excitement swirling around this cycle. A lot hinges on it, but there is a lot of hope too. And I always LOVE the thought of knowing more... answers, even when awful, are better than no answers, in my opinion!

    Glad to hear from you and know that the cycle is about to kickoff! I'm excited for you!

  3. I'm so excited for your upcoming cycle…so much hope for you! Thank you for your kind words and prayers! I am so grateful for you and this community.

  4. You are so sweet. I feel so privileged to follow your journey and know that good things are coming your way. Please know that you are in my prayers and I am so thankful we have been able to bond through the world of blogging. XOXO