Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Tough Days and Questions

In life there are good days and bad days.  In the life of an infertile this is also true.  Sunday was my 34th birthday.  I worked really hard all day not to even think that thought in my mind, much less mumble it out loud.  We all know that infertility robs us of so many joys in life and for me the celebration of my birthday is just another thing on that list.  You see that day marked another year that passed where I'm still childless.  Another year gone by where I'm no closer to achieving my dreams of having a family.  The second birthday since my diagnosis where I wondered if I'll ever have a child.  34 should signify me quickly approaching the age where my fertility takes a nose dive.  But in my case we already know that my fertility is much older than my actual age.  I'd give about anything to be a "normal" 34 year old.  But that is not the cards I've been dealt. So although it was a tough day, it's also now behind me.  It's time to look ahead and be hopeful that it's this year, my 34th, where I'll become pregnant with our rainbow baby.

So, with focusing on the future I also got my calendar for this upcoming cycle.  You'd think with this being my 4th round I wouldn't find it so intimidating but I still do.  I also had my blood drawn for the AMH test.  They said it would take 3-5 days to get those results, so I'm still waiting.  I know better than to hope that it comes back normal, so I'm just praying the results aren't terrible.  Like - there is no way this is ever going to happen for you - jump straight to donor eggs.  In reality this wouldn't be the worst news they could give me.  I've spent enough time thinking about it and I know in my heart that would be a viable option for us that we could explore.  But I am also really hoping for one more cycle on our own.  To complete the genetic testing and possibly get the answers we need for closure before moving to that step.  But this is just one more thing that's out of my control so there's nothing to do but wait for the results.

As of now I'm going to be positive and plan as if we are moving forward with this next fresh cycle.  I've been thinking/debating a lot about what I can do differently this cycle.  On my very first cycle I did acupuncture.  I'm not going to lie I did not enjoy it.  Everyone says it's relaxing but honestly all I did was lay there and worry.  Too much down time with no distractions is not a good thing for me.  On my 2nd fresh cycle I did not do acupuncture.  My lining was still good at 11mm and that was the cycle I became pregnant.  (which was pretty short lived as we all know).  I also did not do it for my FET which just failed.  So I'm wondering if I should try it again for this next cycle.  I kind of feel like this is our last shot with my own eggs so it makes sense to do everything we can.  How do the rest of you feel about acupuncture?

Is there anything else you do/have done in cycle that you feel has a positive impact on success?  I'd love to know the thoughts of those who have first hand experience.  You are all my sounding board, my support system, and my hope to keep moving forward and trying.  This journey would be impossible without you!


  1. I am not the one to seek out for success obviously, but I did do acupuncture. However, I always offer the big disclaimer that I wasn't able to do a session on transfer day for either transfer... it was just leading up to retrieval. Research suggests that the "most important" session is the one following the transfer. I'd do it if I had another transfer because I guess I'm a throw the kitchen sink type person. I didn't find it particularly enjoyable, but it also wasn't awful.

    Hoping for some good AMH news soon!

  2. You know. Everyone has a different take on it. CCRM swears by electroacupunture if you have low blood flow to your uterus. SDFC says that they don't see a difference either way…that it is all about whether the hormones are there to support the pregnancy and whether you have a normal embryo. But I'm all for the path of least regrets…if you throw everything at it then you can rest assured you tried your best. Good luck deciding what's right for you. Hope the AMH test comes back good.

  3. I've done acupuncture for over 2 years. For the most part, I believe that it helped for relaxation more than it actually did for success. At CCRM I did electroacupuncture because I had low blood flow. The measured my blood flow throughout the cycle and there was definitely improvement in my numbers.

    Hope your AMH comes back in normal range. I know how difficult these birthdays get as the years drag on and we still feel "stuck". Happy belated birthday to you. I hope you did something extra special. xoxo

  4. I feel that if it didn't relax you, then maybe skip it. I have never done it though so don't use my opinion.

  5. I've been doing regular acupuncture for both of my spontaneous pregnancies, but I find it very relaxing. I'm not sure I'd keep going if I didn't find it relaxing... but then again, maybe it is what helped me and I just don't know it! You could always just do a few "important" sessions and skip doing a ton leading up to the transfer?

    For what it is worth, just after my 32nd birthday I had (and still have) an undetectable AMH (below 0.1). Please don't let that number define you and what you do. I also have very few follicles and a pretty high FSH. I've been insanely lucky to have 2 spontaneous pregnancies. The first one ended horribly for us, but that was completely unrelated to my AMH. I'm just trying to say don't give up hope just because of a less than desirable AMH. You just never know.