In life there are good days and bad days. In the life of an infertile this is also true. Sunday was my 34th birthday. I worked really hard all day not to even think that thought in my mind, much less mumble it out loud. We all know that infertility robs us of so many joys in life and for me the celebration of my birthday is just another thing on that list. You see that day marked another year that passed where I'm still childless. Another year gone by where I'm no closer to achieving my dreams of having a family. The second birthday since my diagnosis where I wondered if I'll ever have a child. 34 should signify me quickly approaching the age where my fertility takes a nose dive. But in my case we already know that my fertility is much older than my actual age. I'd give about anything to be a "normal" 34 year old. But that is not the cards I've been dealt. So although it was a tough day, it's also now behind me. It's time to look ahead and be hopeful that it's this year, my 34th, where I'll become pregnant with our rainbow baby.
So, with focusing on the future I also got my calendar for this upcoming cycle. You'd think with this being my 4th round I wouldn't find it so intimidating but I still do. I also had my blood drawn for the AMH test. They said it would take 3-5 days to get those results, so I'm still waiting. I know better than to hope that it comes back normal, so I'm just praying the results aren't terrible. Like - there is no way this is ever going to happen for you - jump straight to donor eggs. In reality this wouldn't be the worst news they could give me. I've spent enough time thinking about it and I know in my heart that would be a viable option for us that we could explore. But I am also really hoping for one more cycle on our own. To complete the genetic testing and possibly get the answers we need for closure before moving to that step. But this is just one more thing that's out of my control so there's nothing to do but wait for the results.
As of now I'm going to be positive and plan as if we are moving forward with this next fresh cycle. I've been thinking/debating a lot about what I can do differently this cycle. On my very first cycle I did acupuncture. I'm not going to lie I did not enjoy it. Everyone says it's relaxing but honestly all I did was lay there and worry. Too much down time with no distractions is not a good thing for me. On my 2nd fresh cycle I did not do acupuncture. My lining was still good at 11mm and that was the cycle I became pregnant. (which was pretty short lived as we all know). I also did not do it for my FET which just failed. So I'm wondering if I should try it again for this next cycle. I kind of feel like this is our last shot with my own eggs so it makes sense to do everything we can. How do the rest of you feel about acupuncture?
Is there anything else you do/have done in cycle that you feel has a positive impact on success? I'd love to know the thoughts of those who have first hand experience. You are all my sounding board, my support system, and my hope to keep moving forward and trying. This journey would be impossible without you!