I Will Always Wonder

Today is National Infant and Pregnancy Loss Day.  As I sit here with tears streaming down my face trying to decide what to write I am overwhelmed.  Today I honor and mourn so much loss.  All of the embryos from my 3 IVF cycles.  The 5 embryos that we transferred that didn't implant.  The 1 that tried so hard, but couldn't make it.  And finally the 1 that I carried for 7 short weeks.  My due date for that sweet baby is just 15 days away.  How fitting that it fall in the month of October when we participant in not only this day, but Pregnancy, Infant, and Child Loss Awareness Month.  

It's hard not to wonder about all of the babies I have lost, especially the one I carried the longest.  For those short weeks I spoke to that child endlessly.  I hoped, and planned, and celebrated and worried.  And I dreamed.  Oh how I dreamed of holding that child.  Touching his sweet face, or her perfect lips.  Seeing my husband hold him or her in his arms and finally see the hurt disappear from his eyes.  But for us and so many other couples our dream, our miracle, ended in heart break.  1 in 4 couples experience miscarriage or the loss of an infant or child.  No, we are not alone.  

In honor of all of our lost babies I encourage you to light a candle tonight between 7 and 8 and participate in the worldwide Wave of Light.