I'm not going to lie 2014 is NOT starting out to be a great year. After suffering a BFN at the end of December my new year started with a drama filled New Year's Eve followed up with the loss of a close college friend much to young. I have asked the question "Why" more times than I can count in the last couple of weeks. Why didn't our embryo survive? Why would God deny us of a baby? Why would he take my friend from her children at such a young age? While I'm not an overly religious person I do have what I've always thought of as deep faith. I may not make it to church everyday but I've always felt comfortable with my relationship with God and strive to live a life that he would be proud of. As we all know infertility is a huge test of faith. The unfairness, the pain (both emotional and physically) and the uncertainly is a kind of torture that only those who have experienced it can really understand. Lately, especially since our BFN, I've been struggling with my faith. I'm angry that we've been cursed with this horrible circumstance. I did EVERYTHING to ensure that our last IVF cycle would be a success and it wasn't. None of it is in my control and I often find myself wondering what I did so wrong to deserve this and why it's happening to us. We are good people. We will be GREAT parents. Why would God keep us from having a baby when there are so many born everyday that are unwanted, neglected, and taken for granted?
And then right when I was feeling like I had no one to turn to - especially not God as he obviously wasn't listening to me, I stumbled upon this article on Facebook. This was exactly what I needed at that moment and I hope it will help others as they struggle through whatever battle they are facing.