Giving Thanks

Wow what a week.  Some are just harder than others and last week was definitely one of those for me for several reason.  First off you all know my amazing friend Amanda.  Stop over and send her some love or say a quick prayer for her and Sam.  It breaks me that her beautiful, amazing heart is broken right now.  I wish there was a way for me to shoulder some of her pain.  But since there's not I ask you to keep them in your prayers and I'll be praying she feels comforted with all of the love we are sending her way.  She is at the top of my list of things I'm thankful for as I'm not sure I could make it down this rocky road without her.

Next on my list is the rest of you beautiful women.  Thanks to everyone who shot me an email, message, or comment to let me know that I'm not the only one who struggles with these fears.  It helps so much to know that I'm not alone.  And it's easy to get overwhelmed in the middle of the night when everything seems so.....well, overwhelming.  D doesn't follow my blog.  He feels like this is my place to air my feelings, vent and basically release.  I often read him your posts and some of mine if I think he'd enjoy it or if it helps to communicate something specific that I'm struggling with.  We talked about my post and of course he said exactly what I needed to hear.  He told me that he loves me for the person that I am and that nothing will change that.  He told me he'd pick me again, every time, even knowing that we'd have to fight this battle.  Most importantly he said that no matter what lengths we have to go to, or the cost, we WILL be parents someday.  God, I love this man 1000 times over.  Thank you Lord for bringing him to me.

Lastly I'm thankful for some good news on this Monday morning.  I had blood work this morning to see how my estrogen level was doing and to re-check my thyroid since I started on the medicine.  My TSH came in at 1.62 today!  (Remember my research showed between 1-2 is the ideal level).  So that is really great news.  They bumped my E2V dosage just a tiny bit and I'll do another injection of that tomorrow.  Then we'll re-check everything again on Friday and make adjustments for that evening injection.  We are on track for transfer next week.  Next week people!!  EEKKK!

Also based on all of your feedback and suggestions from this post I've added L-Arginine, Zinc, and the Omega 3 Fish Oil pills to my daily list.  The clinic has me on a baby aspirin, dexamethasone, the thyroid med, and my prescription prenatal.  I'm still doing the Lupron injections in the morning as well to keep me suppressed.  I've been doing pretty well with the clean eating (okay I had Coldstone Creamery on Sunday....it was a weak moment), and of course no alcohol or caffeine (decaf coffee is for the birds!) and I've been working out 5-6 days a week.

Overall I'm feeling pretty good! While on one hand I am SO ready for this transfer, on the other I'm really struggling with the concept of surviving the 2ww.  We all know how terrible it is and this just feels.....bigger for some reason.  I guess just because there's so much on the line.  If this doesn't work yes we are heading to CCRM but starting from scratch there it will be a long time before we are in a position to cycle again.  I'm so blessed that thanks to us saving our butts off and an amazing bonus check from my work we are in a position financially to move forward right away.  Add that onto my list of things I'm thankful for as well!  So, for now, I'm going to NOT think about CCRM.  I'm going to focus on this transfer in front of us, our two beautiful frozen embryos, and the fact that we know we've done everything in our power to make this a success.