Only one way to know

I had my cycle day 9 blood work and ultrasound this morning.  I woke up feeling pretty good but the closer I got to the clinic the  more nervous I got.  They must have a big cycle this month because it was busy even right at 8am this morning and I waited a LONG time for my ultrasound.  So long in fact that when the doctor finally got into my exam room my bladder had filled up and she made me go and empty it so she could get a better image.  Envision me darting to the bathroom with the paper cover wrapped around me like a toga.  Seriously I've lost any sense of modesty I had a long time ago, so whatever.  Take 2 for the ultrasound and everything looked "perfect"  My endometrium looked "beautiful" and my lining was measuring at 8mm.  While this is obviously great news it makes me.....uncomfortable when they use words like perfect and beautiful.  Mostly I think because it raises your expectations of the chances of success.  They've used these words before and here I am on transfer #5 so obviously it's no guarantee.  But definitely better than the alternative so we'll go with it.
Tonight we start the PIO injections in addition to the estrogen I'll do tonight and Tuesday night.  Transfer is set for Wednesday and they scheduled  me in the afternoon.  I have the whole day off from work so I'm looking forward to sleeping in and relaxing before we head in.  I have an acupuncture appointment set up for Tues. evening and then Friday morning.  I'll be on bed rest the day after transfer.  And that, my friends, is the plan.

My feelings are pretty much all over the board.  I'm definitely excited and hopeful about the transfer.  But I'm also terrified.  I mentioned before that I'm having a hard time trying to figure out how on earth I'm going to survive this 2ww.  It just seems unimaginable.  And of course then my head goes to how I'm going to cope if we aren't successful.  It's sounds so terrifying to me it almost makes me not want to go through with it.  But I know that I'm stronger than I think I am.  I've proved that to myself over and over again.  I know the world will not end if this transfer doesn't work.  Our journey of trying to have a baby won't even end.  It will just be extended.  Sigh.  While I'm so ready for it to be over and hopeful that this is IT, there's only one way to know.  So...Wednesday.  Let's do this.