This morning as I kissed my husband goodbye I told him that I loved him and if Frosty was still in there he loved him too. This 2ww is passing - we are over the halfway mark - and I guess I'm surviving. I haven't been in the best of moods but I don't feel like I've given up hope either. All I really feel like is a crazy person. On one hand I have what I think of as "hopeful" symptoms and on the other it seems the symptoms I do have could just be chalked up to the drugs and what I'm lacking is a tell tale sign that this transfer was not successful. All of the over-thinking, analyzing, and ups and downs are enough to drive the most stable person crazy. But I'm holding on.
I definitely had some cramping during the implantation time - but no implantation bleeding (I did notice this with my last transfer that ended in an early miscarriage). I now have more of what I'd call a "heavy" feeling in my lower pelvic area. I'm having some lower back pain and just yesterday I felt like I got lightheaded and/or nauseous a couple times. However the thing that's really throwing me off is my boobs are not sore whatsoever. Which is crazy considering the amount of progesterone I'm on, and seems like a dead giveaway to me that this did not work. Yesterday I did feel like *maybe* my nipples were a little more sensitive but honestly all of this could just be straight up in my head.
For those of you who have been through this I know you understand what a complete mind f*ck this all is (Sorry for the language Mom). By Beta time I am just ready to KNOW, even if the news is bad. I can't stand the waiting and wondering any longer. Just a few more days. I've been thinking about testing at home just so I can be more prepared. As of right now my plan is to test at home the morning before beta. I mean the worse that can happen is I'm bummed out and it turns out to be positive which would be the best news ever. Right now I"m totally in the zone where some people get positives and some get negatives only to get a positive HPT within the next couple days. I really don't need to add to my insanity so I'm staying away from that.
So to quote my friend Amanda - Ever Onward. One way or another we'll have some answers in a few days. If you are in there little one I hope you can feel how much we love you, how badly we want this. I'm praying for you every day and you are in my mind and heart.