Monday, November 25, 2013

Good news or Bad news??

Well we made it through our weekend with no problems or issues.  My mother-in-law and I have taken our relationship to the next level now that she has stuck me with a needle. :)  She was a champ and everything went great.

However, I was thrown for a loop this morning when our hero, Nurse Jenny, gave me a call.  She explained that she had her weekly lab meeting with Dr. H. and that while he was reviewing my case he decided to up the dosage of my Follistim and start me on it a day earlier.  So my original schedule had me starting the Follistim at 300 units on Tues. Dec. 3rd.  and dropping it to 225 units on Dec. 5th.  They now want me to start 450 units of the Follistim on Mon. Dec. 2nd and drop to 300 units on the 4th.

So.  What the hell does that mean?  I asked Nurse Jenny what the doctor's reasoning was.  She explained that he increased the dosage due to my elevated FSH level related to my age  (FSH level is 10.8 and I am 33 years old).  She said to realize that I am still in the "middle" of the spectrum so it's not necessarily a bad thing.

Hers' the thing.  I LOVE LOVE LOVE Nurse Jenny.  She's been so patient with me and my 10 billion questions.  But honestly I'm not sure how I feel about being in the middle of the spectrum.  And while I'm glad they are being as aggressive as possible to hopefully make this work it's hard not to be negative.  I'm having nightmares of retrieval day where there are no eggs to be found.  Honestly I realize that the elevated FSH signals that I may have an ovarian reserve issue but since it was only "slightly" elevated I was hopeful that my body would respond well and we'd be able to get a semi normal amount of eggs.  With this recent news I kind of feel like I've been fooling myself and living in denial.  I mean the truth is my FSH level is higher than most women who are 40.  And while I do have age on my side and all my other blood tests came back in the normal range it's still a strong signal that this is going to be challenging for us.  I mean, hello we jumped right to IVF.  Red flag number 1 right?  So while I want to stay hopeful and positive for this cycle there's part of me that feels like I've been living in a dream land thinking there's even a chance we are going to get out of the Land of IF (infertility) on the first shot.  I think it's actually hit home that this could be a very long road ahead of us.

I actually feel better having gotten that all out of my system.  So now I will try and focus on it being a GOOD thing that they upped the medicine instead of sticking with the original plan and not getting the results we want and need.  Once again I remind myself that this is out of my control.  I have to put my faith and trust in God and his plan.  So one day at a time.  One step forward.

1 Samuel 1:27  For this child I have prayed  - 

We are taking this to a whole new level........

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