Sunday, May 11, 2014

Endurance

The crooked path that infertility leads us down is filled of highs and lows. Today is a low one for me. I knew Mothers Day wouldn't be easy. I did what I could to prepare myself and protect my fragile heart. But here I sit drowning in a pool of endless tears I don't know how to turn off. I wanted to be strong today, to be selfless. To focus on my amazing mother who is always there for me. To shower my dear friends and family who are mothers with love to make them feel special. But when it comes down to it I'm just not strong enough today. I know that infertility is a marathon. And I feel like I've currently hit the wall. And today is just one of those days where I can't find my hope, my faith, or my positivity. I should be 15 weeks pregnant today but instead I'm mourning the loss of our precious little one who didn't make it. I can't stop myself from wondering how I would be feeling today if he or she had made it and the wonder of motherhood was a real possibility ahead of me. Instead I can't help but sit here and wonder if it will ever happen for us. 
Overall I do feel like this struggle has made me stronger but today my endurance is fading. I do find comfort knowing I'm not alone. That there's others who have walked in my shoes, many that still are. We are not alone. I hope that brings comfort to others as well. Tomorrow is a new day. 

7 comments:

  1. I am so so sorry today has been so difficult and painful for you. I know the heartache and turmoil this day can bring all too well. All my fellow infertility sisters have been on my heart and mind so much today, you included. I hope and pray that with the coming of tomorrow, you can find your hope, faith, and positivity again. Let yourself feel whatever you need to feel. Thoughts and prayers to you as you continue to grieve and heal.

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    1. Thanks Beth. It's so nice to hear that you are allowed to be sad if you need to. Feeling much better now that it's behind me. And finding hope in people like you :)

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  2. Ughhh. I'm sorry I didn't read this yesterday. I was up to my neck in plaster and paint and dust. : ( I hope a fresh day is helping to clear away the sadness of yesterday! I'm so sorry it was so rough. You're right though; you are not alone.

    Much love, my friend!

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    1. Thanks sweetie! I'm glad you were busy doing happy things and not focusing on the sad!

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  3. you are not alone...yesterday was rough for me at different points through out the day :/

    waitingforbabybird.com

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  4. I thank God that we all have each other!

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  5. I'm behind catching up on blogs, but I wanted to say how sorry I am. I'm sorry for the pain you felt on Mother's Day…it's truly the worst day of the year for us still hoping and praying to be celebrated…one day. I'm also sorry for your loss. The heartbreak is overwhelming at times, I know this. Hang in there. Better days are most definitely ahead for you.

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