Happy Monday!
Well I survived Vegas and even managed to have some fun catching up with old friends. I can't express to you how happy I was to get home to D and the puppy and my own bed. I have not been sleeping well. Which of course, worries me. I'm not sure if it's the anxiety and worry or what. Actually I know that's a big part of it. But I just keep thinking if everything was fine I should be feeling exhausted. Last night all I could think about as I laid in bed was our ultrasound on Friday. Today I am 6 weeks 4 days. On Friday I will be 7 weeks 1 day. At the ultrasound we should be able to see the heartbeat (please God) and the yoke sac and I'm not really sure what else they will be looking for. As I was traveling home on Friday I experienced some moderate cramping in my lower belly. I would say I had a couple spells that lasted maybe 10 min or so? I immediately started visiting the bathroom every 15 min. to check for bleeding but there was none. I emailed Nurse Jenny and she told me that cramping is perfectly normal and it's my uterus stretching. Then on Saturday I had some significant lower back pain. Dr. Google tells me this is also normal. My boobs are still sore. Some days they hurt REALLY bad and others it's barely noticeable (which sends me running for the Crazy Train of course). I haven't really had any morning sickness. I do get a wave of nauseous here or there but it seems to pass as quickly as it shows up. I find myself coming up with reasons for all of these symptoms. It's the progesterone, it's my anxiety making me nauseous, something is wrong which is why I'm having pain and cramps. Basically any excuse except things could possibly be going as they should. That is just too hard for me to believe.
I just re-read this and I sound like a complete Debby Downer. I do also have good days where I am positive everything is fine and so grateful/happy/excited about this pregnancy. And I'm doing my best to hold on to that positivity. I'm so hopeful that this is going to be our chance for a take home baby. I already love this little one so much. I know it might sound silly but I've already begun to think of us a "we". In my mind I think "we need to run to the store after work" or "we're hungry". My best friend told me the other day when I was in a fit of panic that it doesn't matter how cautious I try to be or how much I protect my feelings. That if something goes wrong I will be devastated. So I might as well embrace the pregnancy instead of trying to hide from it. I'm going to try and take her advice, though I know I will still have times where the fear and worry overcome me.
I'm with your friend... I had a friend of my own who shared something similar in regards to adoption. They were in the midst of the 10 day wait before it was official. Late one night half way through she realized that she was so terrified to love this little boy, she was afraid to hold him, snuggle with him, because what if it fell apart? And then it hit her... there was nothing she could do that would make that hurt any less, so she might as well snuggle and love on that little boy and give them both what they needed. I wouldn't advocate buying a crib just yet, but I don't think there's much you can do to "protect" yourself. If something went wrong at this point, it would be heartbreaking, soul wrenching, life altering pain... that's just the way it is. You might as well enjoy your moments and take trips to the store as "we". Embrace it, my friend; you're pregnant and it all sounds GREAT! Hoping for an awesome ultrasound on Friday!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing that story. It totally hit home. And you are exactly right - at this point if something goes wrong it will be life altering no matter what. Just praying so hard that everything is ok. Friday can't come soon enough. Thanks for the support and positive words. :)
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