It's funny how different this cycle is now that I've been through IVF once. This morning I got up and went through my normal morning routine and it didn't hit me until I pulled into the parking lot at work that I didn't do my Lupron shot or take my prenatal and steroid. I kind of freaked out because I know the Lupron is time sensitive. I can't believe I just completely forgot. Our house is currently on the market and we had a showing yesterday so I hid all my needles and drugs away in a cabinet and it just did not cross my mind. Last cycle my entire world centered around IVF, injections, drugs, and obsessing over every daily step. Granted I'm only a few days in to this cycle but it's already so different. While IVF #2 is definitely the most important thing going on in our life at the moment, this time it's not the ONLY thing. I think this is a good thing because I'm sure all of the obsessing can't be healthy. Needless to say I called Nurse Jenny and she said it wasn't going to do any harm to mess it up one time and just take it as soon as I could. So I hauled ass home to do the injection. And now life goes on right?
I feel a little guilty almost like in order for this to work I HAVE to obsess over it and think about nothing else. It's not that it's not important, I mean what's MORE important than having a child to us? I think about it numerous times a day. It's like I feel like if I'm not constantly worried and thinking about it almost like I don't deserve for it to succeed. Infertility really does crazy things to your mind.
I'm looking forward to the long weekend (no work for me on Monday for Martin Luther King Day) and taking my last birth control pill on Sunday. I have my baseline E2 blood draw and u/s on Wednesday the 22nd so hopefully everything will be low and resting quietly.
Happy Friday everyone!
Wishing you the best!! I don't think you have to be completely encompassed in it to still truly care about it. Glad that even though the time on the Lupron was different it won't make much of a difference.
ReplyDeleteHoping that this cycle does the trick for you! I felt the same way…the second IVF was almost peaceful (besides a few stressful/emotional moments). I almost wondered why I wasted so much time being afraid of IVF prior to our first cycle. I see how women get caught up doing cycle after cycle if they can afford it. It looks like you have similar response to me. But hoping this cycle brings your take home baby!!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much. I'm hoping the feelings of peace stay with me and the guilt slides away. I am doing my best to try and find some of my usual positivity. But it's like I have finally come to terms that I have no control over this and I just have to trust and have faith in God's plan. I am just praying really hard that it's His will for our baby to come out of this cycle.
DeleteI just finished my first round, yet I really get this... I built IVF up in my head to be this MONSTORUS thing... like how could anyone do ANYTHING but IVF the whole time, but it just wasn't that big of a deal. It was big, just not as big as I made it. I can already see that if I ever did another round, things would be so much more chill.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, I forgot my estradiol last week... mm hmm, and that's from an IVF newbie. : ) Wishing you the best!!!
Thanks so much Amanda. It's so nice to have people that completely understand what you are going through. Wishing the best for you as well!
Delete