Endurance

The crooked path that infertility leads us down is filled of highs and lows. Today is a low one for me. I knew Mothers Day wouldn't be easy. I did what I could to prepare myself and protect my fragile heart. But here I sit drowning in a pool of endless tears I don't know how to turn off. I wanted to be strong today, to be selfless. To focus on my amazing mother who is always there for me. To shower my dear friends and family who are mothers with love to make them feel special. But when it comes down to it I'm just not strong enough today. I know that infertility is a marathon. And I feel like I've currently hit the wall. And today is just one of those days where I can't find my hope, my faith, or my positivity. I should be 15 weeks pregnant today but instead I'm mourning the loss of our precious little one who didn't make it. I can't stop myself from wondering how I would be feeling today if he or she had made it and the wonder of motherhood was a real possibility ahead of me. Instead I can't help but sit here and wonder if it will ever happen for us. 

Overall I do feel like this struggle has made me stronger but today my endurance is fading. I do find comfort knowing I'm not alone. That there's others who have walked in my shoes, many that still are. We are not alone. I hope that brings comfort to others as well. Tomorrow is a new day.